For married couple and social media sensations Jarius and Terrell Joseph, raising a family was something they always agreed was in the cards. The two met in college, a time when it was tougher to live out loud as a happy, loving gay couple, but somehow they pushed through and let love be their North star.
“It was an active decision for us to be together. I started going to church more often during my freshman and sophomore year, and it made me second guess my relationship with Terrell and my faith. We sat down and really talked about it, and made the active choice to be together as long as it was healthy for us. It was a defining moment in our relationship,” shares Jarius.
For other LGBTQ+ couples out there, the men share that as you navigate outside influences and voices coming at you, it’s important to block out the noise and truly focus on what brought you together. As natives of Louisiana, they emphasize that being gay, Black men with Southern roots, their upbringings have always had a major influence on the way they live and ultimately love. But once they reached adulthood, they learned to lean on each other as they grew together.
“In Black families, there’s always this notion that you can be anything but gay. That was a tough pill for us to swallow. For anyone reading this, just remember, it’s important to lead with love.”
Terrell Joseph
“The decision to come out was not easy. It took a lot of conversations and prayer, because we were worried about how our families would react. In Black families, there’s always this notion that you can be anything but gay,” says Terrell. “That was a tough pill for us to swallow. For anyone reading this, just remember, it’s important to lead with love.”
Wanting the fairytale ending—the house, the kids, the wedding—after their college graduation, Terrell and Jarius put all the pieces in place. Within months, they found their home and soon after that they were preparing for the arrival of their first child via a surrogate. Something both men were very intentional on doing.
“I wanted to be as ‘normal’ as possible, so I felt like if we had the kids, it would leave little room for our families to be unhappy,” shares Terrell. “We went the independent route for our surrogate, because the traditional route was very expensive. This also really lead us to share our journey as a couple on social media.”
Now a family of four—and soon to be five—the couple absolutely loves life as parents to their son and daughter. Like any other parent, they beam with pride as their children reach new heights and milestones. For them, they’ve never shied away from explaining to their kids, that their family looks a little different—but that’s okay. There isn’t a blueprint on a family dynamic as some may include two moms, grandparents only, a single parent household, or even two dads—like theirs. At the end of the day, all that matters is that their children feel and know that they are loved and supported.
“The first thing is not being afraid to have the conversation. These kids are like sponges, and through a simple conversation they understood and were okay with it,” explains Jarius.
As for the values and morals they’re instilling, the biggest of them all is respecting others and treating them as best as you can. They are also big on faith and want their children to know that having a relationship with God is very important.
“We’re leading with an open mind and heart, and it is our hope that when they are older that will be the norm for their generation as well,” says Terrell.
“Just having that consistent male presence in their life is going to be most beneficial to them in the long run.”
Jarius Joseph
When it comes to defining Black fatherhood on their own terms, both share that being present in at the top of their list. They are also hoping to shift the narrative on Black fathers in general and their desire to be involved, despite what media and television may show or say.
“I didn’t have my dad growing up, and that does leave a gapping hole,” shares Jarius. “We’re super involved in everything our kids do, and are always showing up to volunteer at their school. I’m learning how to do my daughter’s hair, preparing for those conversations about her body. There’s nothing I shy away from. Just having that consistent male presence in their life is going to be most beneficial to them in the long run.”